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When someone tells a bad beat story, what are they really trying to accomplish? On one level, it is clear that they want sympathy for their misfortune, but how does sympathy make the pain go away? Is there some magical process that alleviates suffering? If someone shows that they care, does that really make me feel better? To respond to these questions, we have to return to the root cause of our social relationships.

Freud argued that when a baby cries to be fed, the baby is not just making a demand for milk. Rather, the child is seeking recognition, love, and understanding. In other words, the suffering baby wants the parent to understand what the child needs and recognize that the child is suffering so that love and care will be supplied. From a psychoanalytic viewpoint, people are constantly making this type of demand, and so even if someone asks you for a simple thing, they may be asking for a whole lot more.

One time, my young daughter was in the bath and demanded buttered toast. I told her that the bread will be destroyed by the bathwater, but she just got more insistent, and she started to cry out, “just one crumb! Can’t you give me just one crumb!” It should be clear that she did not just want something to eat. Instead, she wanted me to give into her demand. Here we see that a request for a particular object might really be a demand for someone to give up and submit to the will of the demander. What the child ultimately wants is for the powerful parents to give up their power and freedom. The insistent, demanding child does not just want love or recognition: the child wants an unconditional surrender.

Returning to the issue of why people tell bad beat stories, we find a similar demand for attention and recognition. The person telling the story not only wants the audience to show signs of shared pain, but the story teller is also asking the audience to take on responsibility for the problem, while the story teller remains good and innocent. As a form of victimhood identity, the person telling the bad beat story wants the other to affirm that the loss was not the fault of the person who was beat. In order to escape from any bad feelings of guilt and shame, the goal of telling the story is then to absolve the player from any responsibility. The role of the audience therefore is to affirm that the loser was just the victim of external evil forces, and that in a world of true justice, this type of thing would not happen.

Of course, there is no natural just order in the world, but people like to imagine that there is some underlying force that balances all accounts and imposes a perfect system of moral order. Even the most scientific and rational people fall back into magical thinking because they do not want to accept the possibility that there is no inherent order to the universe. As hard as we try to escape superstition, we have a difficult time acknowledging reality because it can be so painful. We also do not want to accept our own responsibility for our failures and losses, and so we must believe that some higher power is in control of everything.

When a player exclaims, “That was so sick!,” what they are often really saying is that bad things should not happen to good people, and it is unfair that the world is unjust. Poker players have a hard time accepting that even an unlikely event can continue to happen, and so they think that the world has become sick when they do not get want they want. As a form of entitlement tilt, many players just think it is unfair when they do not get their way every time. Just look at Phil Helmuth’s many blow-ups. They almost all center on him feeling that he has been treated unjustly because some “idiot” has dared to beat him in a hand. Similar to Daniel Negreanu’s recent meltdown, it is hard for people not to feel that they are entitled to win in a just universe. The problem is that no one is entitled to anything, and the world is not inherently just.

As I have argued in previous articles, one reason why it so important to think about bad beat stories is that it helps us to understand what we want from others inside and outside of poker. Ultimately, we want someone else or something else to be responsible for our suffering because we do not want to take responsibility for our own actions. As a way of escaping feelings of guilt and shame, we transfer responsibility onto others, but this makes us deny the reality of our own lives. In terms of poker, there is no way to get better if you do not recognize what you are doing wrong, but if you hide all of your faults and blame others, then you will never advance. Here we see why having a good mental game is so important. We can only improve if we understand ourselves, and this understanding is often blocked by our desire to protect our positive self-image.

Someone like Phil Helmuth is the rare exception of a player who appears to have little self-insight, but still manages to be successful. Even though he often goes on tilt and blames others for his own mistakes, Phil has been able to make it work for him. However, the exception often proves the rule, and the rule that Phil proves is that for most people, you will not able to improve if you do not take responsibility for your own actions. Helmuth thus provides a very bad example for the rest of the poker community since he has been able to get away with seeing life from the perspective of bad beats.

So Sick Poker Games

So Sick Poker Rules

So Sick Poker Game